Why Your Relationship
Is Doomed To Fail

If this sends a chill up your spine
it's your "early warning radar" at work

Finding myself a single man - again...

After almost 33 years of married adult life split between two marriages and many short-term relationships - before, between and after those marriages, I consider myself an expert at "what not to do" when it comes to a man-woman romantic relationship.

Paying the painful price of introspection

Taking a step back from the coloration of emotion I've come to the realization that
romantic relationships fall into two primary categories:

1. Ego-relationships

2. Higher Self relationships

Ego Based relationships

This is by far the most prominent type of relationship. Two egos - with all the self serving status quo maintaining attributes of two individual egos - attempting to create "the promise of two becoming one" is always doomed to fail.

Why?

Because the core nature of ego is: "I am right - my perception of reality is correct and I have layers of rationale to prove it".

This true nature of the individual ego means every ego-based romantic relationship will have a dominant ego and subordinate ego. There is no such thing as two equals in an ego-based romantic relationship. Even long-term relationships that appear to be successful - ask the right questions and you'll find one partner compromising and pacifying. (It's the one with the drug, alcohol, weight or other "escape from reality" problem)

The reason?

Two "I am right" egos cannot occupy the same relationship space. One ego will choose (consciously or unconsciously) to become the subordinate ego.

Here's how it happens:

The dominant ego overwhelms the subordinate ego with "superiority triggers". Things like looks, accomplishments, apparent intelligence. These are fascinating and intriguing to the less secure ego.

Arguably, these superficial and easily manipulated traits are just "packaging". The problem is that cultural conditioning has conspired to set-up the subordinate (less secure) ego. It will perceive the dominant ego as being superior and special. The dominant ego will also have superior rationalizing abilities which it will use to maintain it's "I am right" world-view.

Faced with the "triggers"

The superior rationalizing abilities of the dominant ego - usually someone with strong beliefs and opinions - simply overwhelms the less secure ego. The world view of the dominant ego and it's layers of supporting rationale is simply too complex and detailed for the subordinate ego to challenge. (Even when the subordinate ego feels anxious and the dominant ego is a nut case!)

The less secure ego chooses to compromise and instantly re-rationalizes (using the justifications of the dominant ego) those areas of possible friction with the dominant ego.

The rationale used by the less secure ego is to please and pacify. The very first "compromise" it makes begins a chain of events which leads to the ultimate destruction of the relationship.

The first rule of reality: The ego cannot compromise

It's impossible to suddenly negate layers of rationale accumulated over a life-time - which are actually at odds with "the instant compromise". You can't just throw all the reasons away why you feel a certain way about something. Changing what you really believe is the result of a step-by-step process you go through at your own pace.

On the other hand, compromise is a sudden temporary denial of all those reasons that are still inside you - and will continue "below the surface". When you compromise you are lieing to yourself because you are temporarily denying what you really believe.

Two "I am right" egos will never occupy the same relationship space

No matter how much "compromise" is undertaken. Compromise is nothing more than the nails in the coffin - the relationship will one day become buried in. The great fallacy of current "pop psychology and relationship therapy" is that compromise in a relationship is good and admirable. IT IS NOT.

Inevitably, and in true "ego form" - the subordinating ego always reaches a point of "saturation" and will no longer please and pacify the dominant ego. This can take weeks, months or years. Once it happens all the powers of rationalization used by the subordinating ego - to please and pacify - will shift to justifying it's "victimization" by the dominant ego. Once this shift takes place - and it always does in this type of relationship - the final split is just a matter of time.

Every compromise will become another "see what you made me do" - "I was only trying to please you" - " I gave everything to this relationship" (read: "I compromised") - as the subordinate ego blames the dominant ego for it's ongoing compromising. Which is another aspect of the core nature of ego:

"Since I am always right - I am blameless - and I am always the victim"

Sadly our society and it's institutions pander to this victim mind set and has helped create a culture of boy-men and girl-men who are victims waiting to be victimized - again and again. But, I digress...

Next: Higher Self Relationship: The path to true love, joy and bliss.

-Bob Baran

Why your relationship is doomed to fail

On a lighter note: Here's a video of "When Love Comes Again" from my new web site Our Special Secret.com hope you enjoy! click here